Ask a Feline: Love at First Barista

Alistair N. writes: "My Darling Cooper, I am a hopeless romantic. Every morning the barista at my favorite coffee shop sends me personal messages in the foam caps of my lattes, and I can not for the life of me read the signals. Near Halloween, my latte arrives with a toothy pumpkin swirled into its foam head. When hanukkah arrives, my swirls turn to the billowing golden caps of challah bread. Near to Christmas day, my latte appears table side adorned with frothy snowmen, christmas trees and when I'm lucky, the body of Christ, nails and all, hanging from a dark espresso cross. Even president's day isn't left off the calendar, when I swear I see Nixon staring back at me. Could be Ford. I can't be certain. Anyway...

It is about the regular days that I write you... On regular days I receive the sweetest, most personal message swirled into my foam: a simple expression of love: the human heart.

Does my Barista love me or is it a passing crush?

- Alistair N. (the guy across the street who notices when you vacuum late at night)"

Cooper responds: Dear Alistair, I don't vacuum but thanks for thinking of me if I did. My humans take care of the vacuuming for me and Moxie (I just hang out at a safe distance and watch). About your question... Did you find true love in your mug of joe? The answer you seek is within:

Pop Pop

When gerbils grow distant...

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

Ninjas live for the night. Why would they schedule a parade at 10am?

Obsession, For Cooper

Is that fur in the corner? Looks like fur. What is it? Cotton candy is pink, right?

It's not a bear.... A very small bear? No. In the name of all that is holy, WHAT IS THAT THING?

Sure not a duck. Ducks have feathers. It's being pretty quiet for a duck. No it's not a duck. What am I thinking?

I feel compelled to get closer. Yet I sit here, like a photo, unable to move a muscle.

Light Sabers Scare Me

Light sabers don't kill people. Sith Lords kill people.

Two Cats Window Gazing

Construction workers eat lunch in the neighbor's yard.

Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris Lose To My Grandpa Ernie

Sometimes I wish there was a way to thank Chuck Norris for all he's done for me.

Watch close, and you'll see they cut to the most badassest cat ever. Moxie said this was my great grandpa Ernie Mowser. He's said to be an uncredited extra in many movies. In this one he's really good just after the music starts and they give him a prop to bat around and look cool with.

Grandpa Ernie was at the peak of his cameo career in Martial Arts films. After that he did mostly voice over work for cereal commercials (remember the ill-fated 'Capt'n Crunch Cat Berries'?). I don't but Moxie says they were delish. She says he was best known as the spokescat for American Standard Toilets during the early 1970s. My family's always had a good relationship with ceramic bowls.

Quick Joke

Okay, how about a joke: A lion walks into an AA meeting, walks up to the bar and he says to the bartender, uhm, he said something... wait, is the joke already over?

Oh, cause the... oh, that's funny. THAT's funny. Cause why would the bartender even be at an AA meeting where no one appreciates his talents?

Sober people are terrible tippers. There's no margins on ginger ale.

Dig Litter Wallpapers

Free Dig Litter Desktops

Moxie's gone nuts this week and made a million wallpapers for your desktops. She's a good designer but she doesn't know how to rhyme like me. I don't know if my stylings ever made it in.

This one's my favorite. I like green.

More wallpapers are in the archives. You get to dig for them.

Go crazy.

Download Moxie's Miss Litter Wallpapers here.

iLiner

Let me break it down for you: loads of dudes wear eyeliner - David Bowie, Billy Mack, John Cameron Mitchell. How can you call yourself an uber-masculine glam rocker without sporting the faux lids and lashes?